I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
