well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
