Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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