he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
