I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
