1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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