plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
