After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
