Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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