just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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