Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
