Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
