So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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