You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
