jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
