i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
