Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
