Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

Fav 16 1170 3809
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(757): View more from Virginia

I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.

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(216): View more from Ohio

fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.

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(406): View more from Montana

As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.

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(727): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week

(812): View more from Indiana

Uh no

Fav 0 59 17
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