You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
