I cockslap morals
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
