Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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