Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
