whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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