I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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