if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
