You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize