He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
