we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
