I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
