Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
