Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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