There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
