So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
