thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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