your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
