whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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