Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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