Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
