Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
