and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize