i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
