I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drake has all the answers
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
