the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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