first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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