Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
