when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
