There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
