Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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