Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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