Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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