I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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