Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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