So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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