What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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