I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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