I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
