dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize