The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
