I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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