Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
