What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
