apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
