Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
