At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
