I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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