You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do vagina's smell?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize