My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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