Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
