he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
