let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
