If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
