Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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